Saylor's Goodreads Bookshelf

Saylor's books

Animal Farm
Where the Sidewalk Ends
The Great Gatsby
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Catcher in the Rye
Of Mice and Men
The Alchemist
Slaughterhouse-Five
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Lord of the Flies
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Little Women
Frankenstein
A Tale of Two Cities
The Count of Monte Cristo
Les Misérables
Moby-Dick or, The Whale
The Joy Luck Club
Middlesex
The Memory Keeper's Daughter


Saylor's favorite books »
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THE O LINE MYSTERY PODCAST

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My imaginary conversation with the Clever Mr. Konrath


 Me:  Thanks for stopping by, ignore my cats.  I hope you’re not allergic.  I have some drugs to help if you are.
J A:  It’s okay.
Me:  Do you have pets?  I mean, besides 3 children.
J A:  I have dogs.
Me:  Can I call you Konnie?
J A:  No why would - ?
Me:  Because in my second book that’s coming out soon, Disaster Relief Club, I named one of the characters Jules but everyone calls him Julie.  I think that’s cool, kinda like how you named your main character Jacqueline but everyone calls her Jack.
J A:  Have you read my books?
Me:  Yes, I’ve read Whisky Sour and Bloody Mary.  Do you have a drinking problem?
J A:  It’s not a problem.
Me:  That’s what all the drunks say, do you have any confessions you’d like to make?
J A:  I’m worried that I might not get out of here alive.
Me:  I’m worried too -
J A:  Oh -
Me:  Words.  Like the word you coined, E-stribution, in “Be the Monkey”.  I’m afraid it’s like Kountry Cookin’ or Komfort Coach.  You see?  I just don’t want there to be any avenue to a self-publishing ghetto.
J A:  Please be careful with that word.
Me:  What, ghetto?  I will not.  The word itself is not the province of any group there have been Pink-collar, Jewish, African-American, Spanish, Gypsy, all that.
J A:  On your head be it then.
Me:  Oh Konnie, what am I going to do with you.  We’re just two self-publishing geniuses sittin’ around bullshittin’ about the biz.  Ya’ know, I have a confession to make. There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to keep up with my reading so I multi-task.
J A:  What do you mean?
Me:  Well, I can’t always do it, but when I can, I download the audio book and listen to it while I cook, or workout, or drive.  I know, it’s crazy but what do you do otherwise?
J A:  You work out?
Me:  Well sure, I find the routine and discipline is important.
J A:  The word Rubenesque does come to mind.
Me:  Hey, writers are like cooks, don’t trust the skinny ones.
J A:  I’ve never heard that.
Me:  I just made it up.  I’ve put on some weight since I started writing full time and it’s hard to keep up ya’ know?  I mean unless my ass is glued to my chair nothing gets done.  And I need those lemon wafers Konnie.  They’re my writing power jewels.  For every scene I write I get three power jewels, it’s like a video game.  Will you be my wizard?
J A:  No.  I can’t do that.  You see, I belong to the people.  They need me to lead the revolution.  All I can do is what I do so I need to keep doing and putting it out there and hope that it helps others on the same path.
Me:  I get that.  I’ll try to do that too.
J A:  No. No, Fledgling, you just take care of yourself.
Me:  But I want to help.
J A:  You will be. Just. Um, keep a lid on the crazy.  I have to go I have another imaginary meeting to get to.
Me:  Bon chance, Wizard.

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