This is a typical day in the month of August:
Today I will finally get to this book outline, I tell myself. Fi-nal-ly. I'm many month's already past my due date for getting this out. Grant you, we had 21 fun filled days of houseguests this summer, which, I might add is a record number of "guest" days we've ever had. The outline needs to be the top of my list today. Let me just run to the market first thing this morning and pick up the blue berries for the blueberry cobbler I promised to make for this evening's gathering of friends and colleagues. Why do I agree to do these things? Thankfully the fresh fruit and vegetable market is just down the street and I can walk there. I like walking to the market as it kills three birds with one stone. I get some exercise, the marketing gets bought, and I can catch up on podcast, audio books, or news from my iPod.
Home again, home again, diddaly do. I better soak these berries and get the recipe out. Did I eat breakfast? Let me just have some granola, and berries then. That'll be my 10 am phone call from my honey, hang on. Hi honey...I saw that, did you have a party while I slept last night? Don't worry about it, I've got to clean the kitchen anyway I'll take care of it when I bake the cobbler. No that's tonight. It is Wednesday night....I know it flies. But last night was Taco Tuesday...We ate taco's. Yes, I'm positive....Really? The engine didn't turn over at all. Did you try kick-starting it? Did you check the gas? Okay, I'll take a look at it. It might just be the spark plug. They get crudded up pretty easy on scooters. I'll have to find the warranty and see if that's covered...We have to be there by 5:30 so I'm going to have to pick you up from work then. Okay, 4:45. I have to go, I have to get started on this cobbler and work on the scooter and get started on this outline. No, it's fine, I'll take care of it. Seriously. It's okay. No honey, it's not that. You're very mechanically inclined, I just don't know what's wrong with it and once I figure that out then I'll teach you to change the oil and the spark plugs and all that...Yes, but I think you want it fixed sooner than later, right? I don't trust mechanics. Plus, I'd have to take it in and wait, so it's just easier to do here. I have to go. I smell something burning. Gotta go. (click)
I know, it's wrong to do that. I shouldn't make up imaginary panic smells. So, okay, let me pull out all these ingredients and make sure I have everything before I get started...Baking Soda and Baking Powder in the same recipe, huh, don't see that much. Okay takes about 2 hours to complete. I know, I know, I should just go pick something up at the grocery, but this is Northern California. That'd be like living in the Deep South and never eating Bar-B Que. It's just not done. Now, it's 10:40. I have to be done with everything and be getting ready by 4. That's 5 and a half hours. Two hours for the cobbler. That gives me 3 and half for the scooter and the outline. I better take care of this scooter first, time has a way of getting away from me when I write...
1:45. I am now covered in oil, gas, and sweat. There's a good chance if I kick-start this scooter I could blow up the whole house. To hell with it. VAROOM! There we have it. Good, good. "I can rebuild the carburetor. mana na na Fry it up in a pan. mana na na. And I don't have to be a man. Cause I'm a wooooman. Mana na na." But I can not get this electric starter to turn over to save...Hang on. Hello? Hi honey, no I've been rebuilding this "ef"ing carburetor, changing the G.damned oil, Efing spark plug, and...you haven't? Why? Why didn't you say something before? Yes, it would make a difference. BECAUSE naturally I'd think you would have done that...Didn't your manual say to plug it in over night, like every so often? No, I'm not mad. It's okay....It's fine. I'll check it now. You can kick start it now at least. So, I'll check that last, but I have to stop now anyway so I can make the cobbler and then get ready to leave. Honey, I have got to go...I'm not mad. Honey, honey, listen, shhhh. Listen now, ssssh. Can you hear me still? Okay listen, if you don't stop apologizing and you don't say goodbye and hang up this phone now, I'm going to stick blue berries up your nose while you sleep. I'm going to stick them up there carefully, with chopsticks, so far up your nose that they'll have to be surgically removed. Okay? Yes, I love you too, I'll pick you up at 4:45.
Happy now? At least I didn't make up an imaginary panic smell. CheesusBurgerBuns it's 2:00. The manual clearly states to plug in the battery to a drip at the very least, every month. Who doesn't do that? You don't have to be mechanically inclined...okay. It's fine I'll just plug it in and I have to get this cobbler started or...I can't make a cobbler like this I'm covered in shmaltzy goo. Okay, new plan. I'll shower and then make the cobbler.
4:45. "Careful. The cobbler's in the back seat."
"I'll just put it in my lap."
"Good. Thank you."
"Did you get any work done today?"
"Really? And when would I have done that? Those few minutes I had between plugging in the battery charger and baking the cobbler. Or when I was drying my hair?"
"I'm so sorry, it's my fault."
"Look, this day time thing isn't working for me. This summer has been a disaster, I think I should go back to working nights."
"That's a good idea. I think the cats like would that too. That's really when they're most active."