Saylor's Goodreads Bookshelf

Saylor's books

Animal Farm
Where the Sidewalk Ends
The Great Gatsby
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Catcher in the Rye
Of Mice and Men
The Alchemist
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Lord of the Flies
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Little Women
A Tale of Two Cities
The Count of Monte Cristo
Les Misérables
Moby-Dick or, The Whale
The Joy Luck Club
The Memory Keeper's Daughter

Saylor's favorite books »


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Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Daily Weird

So, I'm standing in line at the checkout counter at my local pet food store and a blind man walks in. 
Click, click. Click, click. Click. "Ouch."
"You wanna hear a joke?"  He asked me.
I do a quick assessment.  This fella's about 75 years old, he's blind, and either one of two things are going to happen here.  He's either going to tell me a funny joke about a blind man walks into a pet food store, or he's going to say something wholly inappropriate to me.  So I think, what the hell, I haven't witnessed anything weird in at least 24 hours so I play along.
"Hit me with it Pops."
So Blind Pops does a little squat thrust and says, "Okay!"  The checkout lady looks completely startled and pulls out her checkout gun and scrambles over to stand in between us and begins beeping my items.  "What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pile of leaves?"
"Rustle...How does a butcher introduce his wife?"
"Meat Patty."
So I hit him with "Where do you put a barking dog?" And quickly add, "In a barking lot!"
"95.63!"  The cashier lady says. I zip my bankcard in the card zapper and punch in my code. (Side note: I've been out of town and we were out of everything wet-food, dry-food, fish food, cat treats, and other cat bribing items) Another clerk shows up and asks him what he wants.  "I want the big bag with the dog on the front. It's blue, I think."
And I hit him with another, "What do you get when you cross a Fed-Ex driver and an UPS driver?...Fed Up!"
"Why are there no Wal-marts in Afghanistan?"  Now he's excited, he doesn't even wait, "Too many Targets!"
"Why did the bacon laugh?"  I retort.  "Because the egg cracked a yolk!"
"You want another?"  He pants out. 
At this point my cashier lady is making a get away with my cart of items.  "Come on!" She tosses over her shoulder at me. 
"Can't Pops, gotta go. But thanks."
"Thank you!"  He says in the direction I had previously been standing.

So there you have it. I can now cross off "get in joke battle with blind person at a checkout counter" off my bucket list.  Whew.  And thank you bubble gum wrappers of America. Now I just have to find an Argentinean nun who has a distinct memory of fortune cookie sayings.

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