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Animal Farm
Where the Sidewalk Ends
The Great Gatsby
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Catcher in the Rye
Of Mice and Men
The Alchemist
Slaughterhouse-Five
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Lord of the Flies
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Little Women
Frankenstein
A Tale of Two Cities
The Count of Monte Cristo
Les Misérables
Moby-Dick or, The Whale
The Joy Luck Club
Middlesex
The Memory Keeper's Daughter


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THE O LINE MYSTERY PODCAST

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Podcast Show Script

The Art Class
An O Line Mystery #14
by M. Saylor Billings

OPENING RIFFS


ACT I SCENE 1

AMBIENT SOUND: Jazz music in the background. Annie and Lorna painting.

Lorna
OK Annie, tell me the truth does
Tim care that we turned your living
room into a painting studio?

Annie
He said he likes the change, he thinks
it gives him free to spill food on the floor.

Lorna
I should just start over - look at this.

Annie
(muted shock)
Oh. Dear. That looks like a…

Lorna
I know. I know.

Annie
Just don’t use anymore black.
Try some pink.

Lorna
You know how I feel about pink.

Annie
Then start over.

Lorna
Your painting is so lovely and mine
is complete TURDS. I’ll never get chosen
to be in the showcase.

Annie
Lots of artists were rejected when they first
start out, that’s no big deal.

Lorna
I think it’s so sophomoric to chose only
5 people from the class, makes everyone so
judgemental and edgy.

Annie
I’m about ready for some lunch.

Lorna
…have my own showcase and call it
“The Outsiders.” And Dr. Twittle won’t
be invited with his little naked people. Is
that bologne?

Annie
I like bologne every once in a while.

Lorna
How about some velveeta with that,
complete the disgust factor.

Annie
You know there is a whole art movement
called Outsider Art, I think it may have
started in the south.

Lorna
Okay, I’m starting over.

Annie
Don’t you want a sandwich?

Lorna
No, maybe if my blood sugar is low
I’ll do something brilliant.

Annie
(giggles)
It’ll just be a line that starts from the top
and sorta meanders down and off the canvas…
Those naked people do through me off a little.

Lorna
OK, can WE just talk about that for a minute?

Annie
I thought it was me! I didn’t want to be immature.

Lorna
Right! Okay here’s the thing the models should
be the only naked people in a class
Annie
When Dr. Twittle said get comfortable
I thought he meant get a chair.

Lorna
The whole thing was staged! Every person
who shucked their drawers were in the back of the
room, did you notice that?

Annie
Not till I turned around and was looking for
a towel. How do you take a towel from a
naked person?

Lorna
And they’re so righteous about it!

Annie
He should split the night up, y’know
those with and without modesty.

Lorna
Y’know, I can’t help but look. It’s like
hitting the snooze alarm, I know I shouldn’t
but I can’t help it. You put that stuff out there
and it’s like my brain loses control of my eye
muscles for a minute.

Annie
I hate to admit it…

Lorna
And that Jack fella, the one with the scarf?

Annie
I KNOW!

Lorna
That’s one way to get a date.

Annie
He could use that scarf…
SOUND: DOOR BELL

Annie
Oh those are my new paints, I ordered them online.
Lorna
(to self)
Maybe I’ll paint Jack’s scarf.

Lorna
(to Annie)
Let me see.
Ohhh there all so new and not used.

Annie
Here it is, this is the color I was waiting for.

Lorna
What do you think Roberta thought about
the nakedness?

Annie
Roberta’s a cop. I’m sure she’s seen worse.

Lorna
Her stuff is surprisingly good. I’m sure she’ll
be picked for the showcase.

Annie
I’m glad she’s taking the class, I think it’s
helped her, mentally.

Lorna
You think she needs mental help?

Annie
I think we all need mental help. But I mean
I’m glad she’s doing something for herself.

Lorna
Ok, I’m done. I’ll pick you up like 6:45?

Annie
It’s just a giant black dot! You’re not
finished!

Lorna
Ya’ huh, I’m calling it ‘Ricochet’ and it’s brilliant.
See you tonight.

ESTM-this was scene change music

ACT I SCENE 2

AMBIENT SOUNDS: A PAINTING CLASS. (room movement, hollowed room)
SOUND: RUSTLING AND SETTLING IN.

Lorna
See Roberta, isn’t this class better
than an old stuffy book club.

Roberta
I thought it was suspicious that it happens
to be on the same night as the book club.

Annie (calmly)
Not suspicious, completely on purpose. Sally
joined the book club and Lorna freaked.

Lorna
I didn’t freak.

Annie
She did and they had a big fight. I think
that’s the only fight they’ve ever had.

Lorna
Annie!

Annie
It’s true. And it’s your fault y’know. You
should have never called her “The Lesbian Librarian.”

Roberta
I hope you apologized for that. It’s kinda hateful.

Lorna
(whispery, frantic, conspiratorily)
Roberta, there are naked people in the room,
what do you think of that?

Roberta
I’ve seen better bodies in a morgue.

Dr. Twittle
OK everyone, by the end of the class tonight
you will all know who has been chosen for the
showcase this weekend. That doesn’t
give you a whole lot of time and I would
suggest that you work on a painting you’ve
already begun. Usually we start with an object
but tonight I just want you to work on your
paintings that you’d like to showcase and I’ll come a
around, individually and work with you.

Jack
Dr. Twittle?

Dr. Twittle
Yes, Jack in back. (ah ha ha)

Jack
How do we know which painting to choose
for the showcase?

Dr. Twittle
Use your best judgement and we’ll talk about it.
Think about last week when we did the
revues of the works in progress.

Roberta
This showcase, I know I’m new here, but is it
just an open house?

Dr. Twittle
Ah, Roberta, my newest shiny start, no no dear
your work will be for sale. The starting bids for
the pieces run about 18 hundred dollars and
generally go up to 36 hundred.

Annie
WHAT?!

SOUND: MURMURS

Jack
Well, it’s not paint by numbers.

Lorna
But who would pay that money in this economy?


Jack
People who don’t have to ask about the price.

Dr. Twittle
The point being – it’s a nice start for our
beginner artists and an incitive for those who have
persevered with our studio.

Annie
How many have sold?

Dr. Twittle
Several, let’s get started shall we?

Roberta
Nice Dot.

Lorna
Thank you. What are you working on?

Roberta
My husband and I went were deployed to
Afganistan in 2001,
SOUND: DOOR SLAMS
that’s where I saw this woman get

THIEF (Jan)
EXCUSE ME EVERYONE! I need you
to put your hands high in the air where I can see
them! Oh my God your naked! -
Put your hands up. You with the scarf – cover
that up.

Jack
I’m not afraid.

Lorna
Do it Jack! …love of God….

Thief
I need people on the floor wallets
and jewelry next to you.

Annie
Roberta, do something.

Roberta
Shut up and do as he says.

Annie
But this is Tim’s grandmother’s ring.

Thief
Shut up! And GET DOWN. You, where are
your pants?

Where’s your bag? Get it out. All of you naked
ones get out your wallets out of your bags–
the rest stay down!

Lorna
(whispers)
Roberta, I think I can…

Roberta
Shut it. Annie, turn your ring…

SOUND: A EASEL FALLS
Annie
Oh my paints.

Lorna
Leave them.

Thief
HEY, STAY DOWN! Put your wallets
in here. Rings ladies. You - the ring, in here!

Annie
Oh my paint. My favorite…

Lorna
Look it’s stuck on my finger, it’s just a
crappy silver coated ring. Seriously. Here’s
…here’s my watch. Take it. I can’t get this ring
off though.

Thief
Wallets! Let’s go…Now stay down and count to 25.
All of you.

SOUND: DOOR SLAMS
Dr. Twittle
Jack NO!

SOUND: DOOR Opens

Lorna
Roberta, wait!
Quick! 911 someone!

SOUND: FAST FOOTSTEPS AND SCURRYING

Lorna
He was on a bike! Roberta and Jack
are still chasing him.

Dr. Twittle
Please I need everyone to stay inside
until the police arrive. Please.

Annie
oh, what am I going to tell Tim?

Lorna
Annie, Tim won’t mind. Really, it’s
okay, this stuff is usually pawned off.
They’ll find it. Here, let’s get your stuff
back up here.

Annie
oooo, He stepped in my paint.

Lorna
It’s okay we can get you more.

Dr. Twittle (distant)
Please, Mrs. van Ess, stop crying and put your
clothes on before the police arrive.

Lorna
They should be glad he didn’t take thier
clothes. I guess Jack really wasn’t afraid.
Dr. Twittle?

Dr. Twittle
Yes, are you okay?

Lorna
She’s fine. What did he grab off the counter up
front, what was that, a pouch?

SOUND: SIRENS APPROACHING

Dr. Twittle
Yes, it was my jewelry I take it off for class.

SOUND: SIRENS NEAR
QUICK OUT AND BEAT AND

ACT I SCENE 3

AMBIENT SOUND: UP to ROOM CHATTER

Lorna
Where did Jack end up?

Roberta
I had the squad car take him home.
They thought he was a streaker and
by the time we explained - the thief
was outta there.

Annie
I’ll get his clothes for him then. Where
does he live?

Roberta
He lives over by the West Shore
I can get the address for you.

Lorna
Roberta, I have to tell you a couple of things.

Dr. Twittle
Everyone! Just real quick. I’d like to open
the studio for you to work in for the next couple
of days. ---In light of tonight’s events I think it
appropriate to welcome everyone to the showcase
this weekend. This has just been an awful night
but we made it though and we’re all okay. Please
make it home safely and I’ll be happy to meet with
all of you before the showcase…

Lorna
Roberta? Where’d she go?

Annie
I didn’t see her. I don’t know.

Lorna
You gave your statement already?

Annie
Yeah.

Lorna
Okay, well let’s get outta here.

Annie
Let me just get Jack’s stuff here.

ESTM

ACT II SCENE 1

AMBIENT SOUND: The Studio
SOUND: Door shuts quietly. Footsteps.

Lorna
There you are. I tried calling you.

Annie
I know I was in traffic and couldn’t pick
up. I just got here a little while ago.

Lorna
In traffic?

Annie
I had to go into the city to get my color.

Lorna
What?

Annie
My paint?

Dr. Twittle
Ladies please, conversations outside.
Lorna
Come on. Real quick.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.
Lorna
Oh, here’s Jack and Roberta.

Roberta, can I talk to you real quick?

Roberta
Sure.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.
SOUND: OUTDOORS STREET.

Lorna
Why are you out of uniform?

Roberta
I took a couple of days off.

Lorna
That’s probably a good idea. You
doin’ okay?

Roberta
I’m doing great. Had a good morning with
the kids, got them off to school. Y’know. Got all
my credit cards canceled in time.

LORNA
(this should be awkward your holding back)
Right, that was kinda big last night. uh thanks
Thanks for taking off after him like you
did. That was kinda great.

Roberta
I was running after Jack.

Lorna
Wait a second. Your not in hot water –
on suspension for being robbed are you?

Roberta
No. no. It’s not really good for my
record…what did you want to talk about?

Lorna
I need to tell someone something about
last night and I don’t know who to talk to now.
Do I burden you with it? I can’t tell Annie,
she’s so sad about the ring, she despondent.

Roberta
Well? What is it?

Lorna
Okay, two things. First the thief grabbed
Dr. Twittles little purple satin pouch off his table.
How’d he know to look there? Did you ever
notice it before? And wouldn’t you just think
there was paint inside?

Roberta
I did notice it before but that’s because I
like the color purple.
Okay. Second?

Lorna
Second, the thief stepped in Annie’s paint.
Her favorite color that weird burnt yellow stuff.
And when I was on the floor I saw it squirt all over
his pant legs, sock and shoes.

Roberta
So you think the thief has been here
before and he left a paint trail.

Lorna
Yes. I do.

Roberta
Then why was he shocked at the naked
people?

Lorna
Who said he was a student? And this is a
mixed class advanced and beginners. Maybe the
other beginning classes don’t have the nudists in them.
Look, think about this.
The economy is bad crime is up everywhere obviously
he had to combine his classes together here.
Did you ever see Dr. Twittle put
Lorna (cont.)
his jewelry in that pouch? What’s his insurance
claim? What did he say was stolen? And he got away
on a bike? A BIKE? I think this thing was planned.

Roberta
What are you saying Lorna?

Lorna
I’m just saying I think we need to talk to Dr. Twittle.
See who knows about the jewelry in the pouch.

Roberta
There’s no “we” here. I’m out of it, this is for
another unit. But I’ll relay the message for you.

Lorna
To who?

Roberta – edgy frustrated
To the investigating unit.

Lorna
What you did last night, even if you say
it was to stop a man from streaking was
brave. You did the right thing, I think.

Roberta
Thanks.

Lorna
Right, okay then, thanks for listening.

Roberta
We should get back, I need to finish my painting.

Lorna
(changes gears emotionally)
Right, that’s what we’re here for.

NEW SOUND ELEMENT: something kinda touching? 5 seconds from “playground”

SOUND: DOOR SHUTS

Lorna
Annie.

Annie
Sshh what?

Lorna
Nothing. Sorry.

ESTM: MUSIC SWELLS UP.

ACT II SCENE 2

SOUND ELEMENT FADES OUT.

Dr. Twittle
Uh, Lorna. Grab your canvas and let’s
move you over to where we can
work for a few moments together.

SOUND: RUSTLING
I’ll get your easel here.

Just there, that’s right. I was looking through
your canvases?
Is this for the showcase?

Lonra
Well, that or maybe the ‘ricochet’ piece
I did.

Dr. Twittle
Ricochet?

Lorna
The black dot…This one.

Dr. Twittle
Oh dear. It’s more of an egg
isn’t it.

Lorna
It’s a movement form.

Dr. Twittle
It’s a blob.


Lorna
Yeah.

Dr. Twittle
What else do you have here?
What’s this?
Oh it looks like…

Lorna
I know. Too much brown.

Dr. Twittle
Oh your stokes are just so irratic dear.
It’s staccato and uneven – are you medicated?

Lorna
No. What?

Dr. Twittle
It’s okay, art is very theraputic. Lots of
our students…

Lorna
I don’t need medication TWITTLE!

Dr. Twittle
It’s okay sh sh now, just calm, breathe.
Take a breath for me. Calllllm. okay?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you need
medication. I’m just trying to get a feel for your
abilities. Either you have a brilliant mind or
you’re stark raving mad, dear. I think we can rule
out the latter. I think we just need to harness your
energy. Your like a wild horse aren’t you?
But I’m going to tame you and we’ll make art.
What do you have there? Let me see.

Lorna
(straight)
What was in the purple pouch from your desk?

Dr. Twittle
My jewelry. Watch, rings.

Lorna
Rings?
Dr. Twittle
I wear my late wife’s wedding bands on
my pinkies.

Lorna
Who knew they were there?

Dr. Twittle
I have no idea. Anyone who took
a class I suppose.
Anything else?

Lorna
Did you recognize the thief?

Dr. Twittle
Of course not. Do you suspect me?

Lorna
I think who ever robbed us knew exactly
what he was doing. And I think it was
planned out.

Dr. Twittle
It did seem that way. I thought so last night,
before I went to bed. But just the threat of violence,
with that gun, it threw me off. Like I was having
an out of body experience. My equilibrium was
shaken up.

Lorna
Your nudists have their clothes on.

Dr. Twittle
Yes, their safe place was violated.

Lorna
Look Dr. Twittle, I don’t want to
ruin your showcase with my crap.
Honestly, I’m not a painter. I don’t
want to be a painter. And I don’t want
to look like the fool with my ass paintings.
I took the class because I didn’t want my partner
to join a book club. I’m not talented, I’m not
kidding anyone here.


Dr. Twittle
Okay.
May I see what you were working on?
Up on the easel, yes.
Mmm, mhmm you were
just hiding this from me weren’t you.
I may have been wrong about the stark
raving mad part.

This is. This is… Bold and thoughtful. It’s
sad - no. No, it’s just honest. Painfully, so.
My goodness. It’s not even reflective
of…okay put your paints away. Don’t
touch this painting. This is a brilliant
first painting. I want to talk with you more.

Annie
Excuse me. Roberta, Jack and I are going for
tea. Would you like anything Dr. Twittle?

Dr. Twittle
No thanks Annie.

Lorna
I don’t want anything, but thanks.

Annie
Becareful, Dr. she has outbursts. Like
a rabid dog with the turrets.

Lorna
Annie?

Dr. Twittle
I’m sure she does. Great artists are very
prone to them.

Lorna
Annie?

Dr. Twittle
Come on Lorna, we need to talk.

ESTM
ACT II SCENE 3

AMBIENT SOUND: LORNA’s HOUSE.

SOUND: A CELL PHONE MESSAGE RING.

LORNA
Oh crap, I missed Annie’s call.

Annie
Hi Lorna, I’m sorry to leave this in a
message. But I guess it’s easier. Look,
I need to take a breather from hanging
out so much. I’ve got a lot going on and
need to work through some stuff here. Y’know
I want to be honest with you, you’re kind
of draining to be around and I think it’s
better just to see each other in small doses.
I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, you’re really
a great friend and I do like you – I want to stay
on friendly terms but in little steps from now on.
We can talk more about this if you need to but
I’m just saying what I need right now. I’ll see
you at the studio later. Bye.

Lorna
(Complete RANT)
Oh my fucking GOD that’s so fucking HARSH!
That is bullshit! I got robbed too ya know!
Fuck you fucking fuck face! God damn son of a bitch
fucking shit asshole cock sucking mother fucking hell
hole shit fire to save the matches!

SOUND EDITS: EVERYTHING UNDERLINED REPLACE WITH BEEPS.

(yelling randomly)
This doesn’t have anything to do with me, it’s because of
this stupid showcase. And Twittle thinks I’m his pet now.
She’s just jealous. I don’t even like this stupid painting
(Mocking Annie) “We’re going to go get tea would you
like anything DR. Twittle.” “We’re going to go en masse
and lick our wounds together.”
That makes me sick. (DEEP BREATH and sigh)
Calm down. Calm down. (DEEP BREATH) Just go
and get your paints – you don’t have to talk to anyone.
ESTM
ACT II SCENE 3.5

AMBIENTS: THE ART STUDIO – milling about.
SOUND: DOOR OPENS and SHITS.

Lorna
Holy Moses.

Jack
There she is, star of the show.
Where’d you pull that one out of?

Lorna
Excuse me?

Jack
Beginning student gets the pole position
for the showcase. This whole season just
leading us along with your black
blobs. Was it some kind of joke to you?

Lorna
Can we step outside for a moment? Please.

Jack
After you – I’m not afraid.

Lorna
I’m glad for that - c’mon.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

Lorna
What is going on with you people?

Jack
You are what’s going on. We know about
you accusing Dr. Twittle. And you’re buddies
told me about your past run ins with the law.

SOUND: DOOR SHUTS

Lorna
Roberta, Annie. Hello.
(sarcastically) Guess ya’ll come out ta run me
outta town. Huh?
Roberta
We just came out to check on you guys.

Lorna
Whew wee! Roberta’s the new Sher-reef in
town - don’t take no kindly ta people
askin’ questions of the town folk.
‘Specially of the brave young gents who
like ta go a streakin’ thru the streets.

Annie
Enough Lorna.

Lorna
Enough? Really? Because I see three scared
little people in front of me. You don’t want
to get your stuff back you just want to lick
your wounds because that’s comfortable
and it gives you an excuse.

Jack
An excuse for what?

Lorna
What ever meets your needs? Right Annie?
Excuse me I’m need to pick up my paints.
I’m done with you people.

SOUND: DOOR SHUTS

Dr. Twittle
Ah! There she is, my prized piggy.
Come here, hug me. I have several
other gallery owners coming tomorrow
to see your work.

Lorna
Dr. Twittle. I just came to get my paints.

Dr. Twittle
Oh that reminds me, I just got some coupons
from Fanny’s Crafts for canvas’s for my students.
Here, take two.

Lorna
Thanks, what price are you putting on it?
Dr. Twittle
Well, we need to talk about that.
Are you sure you want to sell it?

Lorna
Oh why not?

Dr. Twittle
Well, let’s start the bidding at
$2200.

Lorna
Ok.

Dr. Twittle
It’s 50/50 of course you know that.

Lorna
No, I didn’t. But okay.

Dr. Twittle
Listen, before these greasy dealers get
their hands on you promise me you’ll let
me handle you for a while.

Lorna
Handle me. Okay. Good luck with that.

Dr. Twittle
What about some prints?

Lorna
I don’t know.

Dr. Twittle
Don’t worry I’ll handle it. I can explain it
all later to you.

Lorna
I need to clear out my station.

Dr. Twittle
Why don’t you just leave it, we’ll take it
in back and store it there.


Lorna
I thought we needed to clear out for
the showcase and your incoming class.

Dr. Twittle
Well, we can hold your stuff, it won’t take
up too much room.

Lorna
Oh no. I couldn’t put you out, let me just
gather it up here and be done with it.

Thank you Dr. Twittle, I’ll see you tomorrow
around 4:00.

SOUND: DOOR SHUTS.

Jack
Lorna, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come
at you like that.

Lorna
No, you shouldn’t have.

Jack
Wait. It’s just that I’ve been working
at this a while now. And it felt so unfair.
(pause)
Lorna
That has nothing to do with me. That’s
a horrible apology. You’re a very selfish
person.

Annie
Lorna!

Lorna
No, you turned on the Lorna. You get one
chance to turn on the Lorna and you’ve used
that up. You used it up for jealousy. That’s
stupid and I don’t have time for stupid. But you’ll
see the Lorna again when I come back tomorrow
to see my piece be front and center and all your
hard work as supporting pieces.


Jack
Don’t take this out on Annie, it’s my fault.
I got her all worked up. It was my father’s
wallet and her husband’s grandmother’s
ring.

Annie
And you lied about having a silver coated ring
and you got to keep yours.

Lorna
Your damned right I lied. I was being
robbed!

Roberta
Okay you guys.

Lorna
And you. I turned to you for help and you
blew me off. I did some of my own checking,
Roberta the cop, I find it vastly interesting
half the crime here in town is not
reported in the local paper. That’s kinda
like listing murders in the unsolved crimes
docket so it doesn’t get reported. Just exactly
how legal is that to do? (Beat) Guess we’ll find out.
I was trying to help you get your stuff back and
Lorna got the boots.
Did you even check your secret records to see
if this place has been robbed before?
(walking off)
Fine, take your misery elsewhere.

(pause)

Jack
Should, we, be, worried about her?

Annie
Um,
(definite)
Yes.

SOUND: ESTM BEGINS TO UNDERSCORE
Jack
I’m not a selfish person, at all.


ACT II SCENE 4

Ambient sound: The Gallery – Milling chatter, glasses clinking. Muted liveliness.

Annie
Hi Lorna, I’m glad you made it.
Doesn’t your painting look great?
Now I see why he has the showcase in
the late afternoon, the light is perfect.

LORNA: NO RESPONSE

Annie
Okay. We put the living room
(fades off)
back together…

Dr. Twittle
Ah here she is. Lawrence, meet a very
promising young artist. Lorna Tollison. Lorna
this is Lawrence Rugburn he’s a dealer from L.A.
he owns the Rue de Paris gallery. And next to
him here is the effervescent Coco Crownly one
of the curators of the MOMA San Francisco. Lorna
is the artist without champagne. Come on darling
lets go get you some bubbly.

I just wanted to get you away from Lawrence, listen
there are some reputable people here that will be
well on your level for right now. If I was a beginning
artist they are who I’d want around me, they’re local
and they’re supportive. We’ll get to them later. Hang on
let me get a couple more bottles out here.

Jack
Lorna, I’m glad you came.

NO RESPONSE

I know you don’t want to talk to me
but I need you to know that Roberta said she’d
be late and she really wants to talk with you. She
left you some messages... But I think she wants to
talk with you about the robbery, she said some
(fades off)
stuff turned up…
Dr. Twittle
Here you go, now then there are
a couple of blokes here, I don’t know,
they look just seedy enough to be dealers
but they haven’t introduced themselves.
One of them has that heroin look and the
other ah there’s the other one talking to
oh dear not Mrs. van Ess. No no,
I’ll be right back.

LORNA: NO RESPONSE

Roberta
There you are. I thought about what you
were saying. I think we might be able to
put something together here. When people
get mugged most of the wallets end up in a
post office box, y’know the ones on the
streets? Well ours have been turning up
all over San Francisco. We got a call about
it today from a manager, over in the Mission.
I’ve got a call in about the surveillance camera’s
see if they picked up anything.

NO RESPONSE

Roberta
What are you looking at? What’s Annie doing?
Do you know that guy? She’s waving us over.
Come on. Lorna. Come. On.

Annie
Roberta, Lorna, this is Jan O’Tooley. He’s opening
a gallery in San Jose and is interested in new
artists works…Oh dear, I keep dropping that –
Lorna, my back, can you get that?

Roberta
I got it. Here.

Jan
It’s nice to meet you all. I love new artists work, it’s
like springtime. Of course not all of it (hahaha),
but that’s the beauty of it. Discovery. I’m looking
for fresh and bold, unapologetic.

Annie
Thanks, Lorna and I had a very funny
conversation about our painting socks.

Roberta
If you’ll excuse me for a minute. I’ll be right back.

Annie
See, Jan, we had turned my living room
into a painting studio and although barefoot
and painting was fun it was getting too cold
for our feet…

Lorna
This conversation is boring. Jan, I’d love to talk
with you about your gallery. I love San Jose
y’know. Sally and I talked about moving there
because of their thriving arts scene. Let’s go in
back, and I’ll show you my other pieces.
They didn’t make it into
(fades off)
the showcase of course.

Annie
Jack, Jack - excuse me –that’s him. That’s
the thief.

Jack
With Lorna? How do you know?

Annie
The socks, he had my favorite
color splattered all over them.

Jack
He’s the right size. Are you sure?

Annie
Absolutely.

Jack
Where’s Roberta?

Annie
She left, she went out front.

Jack
What do we do?

Annie
I don’t know. Okay. okay.

Jack
Does Lorna know he’s the thief?

Annie
I don’t know, she’s acting so weird.
She hates us.

Dr. Twittle
Jack, be a love and keep an eye on
Ms. van Ess for me. Annie there are
some people I need you to mingle with.
Have you two seen Lorna?

Annie
She’s…no, where is she?

Jack
She was talking to the heroin chic guy.

Dr. Twittle
I wouldn’t say chic, Jack really.

Annie
His name is Jan. Jan O’Tooley, he
said he owned a gallery in San Jose.

Dr. Twittle
O’Tooley? San Jose? Must be a neuvo
riche vanity project. I’ve never heard of him.

Jack
Annie, thinks it’s the guy who robbed us.

Dr. Twittle
My God. Really? Returned to the scene of the crime.
(Gasp) That’s so bold…and horrible.

Jack
We need to find Roberta.

Dr. Twittle
I saw her go outside. No, we need to find
Lorna. What if something happen? This
is tragic, it’s just tragic.

Annie
There’s Roberta. Here she comes.

Roberta
Dr. Twittle, I’ve got some police officers
coming – I told them to meet me on the
side of the building. There’s a back door
right?

Dr. Twittle
Through the storage room, by my
office.

Roberta
Annie, you’re my positive i.d. on this guy.
So, you’ll have to come in to the station
tonight. Fill out more paperwork, give another
statement. We have to charge him tonight, before
he gets off the island again. Where is he?

Jack
We don’t know.

Roberta
What? Annie, how could you lose him?

Annie
I lost Lorna too.

Roberta
They were together?

Jack
Last we saw.

Roberta
Dr. Twittle, you keep your guests mingling
and distracted. Like nothings happening.
Jack, you go out front and around the building.
Annie, come with me.
Let’s just hope he didn’t wander too far.
Annie
They might be in the storage room
through this door.

SOUND: SWINGING DOOR

Annie
ooh it’s dark.

Roberta
Grab that light.

Annie
Lorna? oooh I don’t…

Roberta
Annie, just stay right there by the door.

Annie
Lorna?

Roberta
Oh shiiii.

Annie
Lorna, no.

SOUND: Scuffle footsteps. Very muffled mumbles.

Annie
She’s hog tied him! Left him in his socks!
ha ha! Lorna? Come out.

Roberta
She’s gone, probably left through the back
door…Help me get him cleaned up before
the cops see this.

Jan
Get me out of here, that woman is crazy
she’s dangerous.

Roberta
Oh shut up. Fool, you should have changed
your socks.
ESTM
ACT III SCENE 1

AMBIENT SOUND: ANNIES KITCHEN
SOUND: DISHES
--- It’s Strained ---
Annie
So that’s that.

Lorna
Yup.

Annie
Roberta thinks it’s possible you
won’t even come into it. They found
all the stolen stuff, even some of the money
in his apartment in the Mission. He wasn’t
even from San Jose. Creep.

Lorna
How long will they hold your ring in evidence?

Annie
Roberta said she’d let me know,
I’m sorry your painting didn’t sell.

Lorna
Oh who cares? No one has money for that
sorta thing right now. And if they do their not
going to buy my painting. Anyway, Sally said
she really liked it so when Dr. Twittle is done
showing it off we’ll hang it in the house.

Annie
Oh, you don’t think it’d look good here in my
office?

Lorna
It’s too much. You don’t
need that big piece dwarfing your office.
How’s Jack?

Annie
I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him. I guess
he’s taking Dr. Twittles class again.


Lorna
And your not?

Annie
I got some sponge cake and some
berries, here.

No, it’s a nice hobby, but I can’t dedicate
that much time to it.

---releiving some strain---

Lorna
You should fix Jack up with someone,
someone you owe a big favor too.

Annie
(Giggles.) Oh guess what the book club
is reading next?

Lorna
(ug -ish)
What?

Annie
A Confederacy of Dunces.

Lorna
Oh that’s my favorite book. Have you
read it before?

ESTM UNDERSCORES
---And their back to friends---

Annie
I just got started, but I love it.
I read it’s his only work….

THE END.